Beric's Rosalita V. Gordon
(AKA: "The Convict")
I have been reading with laughs about the slobber problem .. ha-ha .. however, I wish I just had slobber problems. You see, last October, "someone" convinced us to add to our saintly collection .. since we didn't have a female yet, my wife and I decided to "get on the train" and buy a cute little puppy. Now you'd think we learned our lessons with our human puppies BUT NOOOOOO... sign us up I said!!!!! My wife and I got a cute little adorable puppy girl -- where are the pink collars! 
Then. ...... we quickly learned where the term "bitch" comes from ... whew -- smart little thing....
If you remember last summer, I was preparing to add to my collection, and I asked you guys how to build a new "escape/dig" free kennel. There I was in the 100 degree heat building this new kennel, lining the ground with welded wire fence, connecting the welded wire to the chain link with chicken wire, covering all the wire with pea stone. The kennel works great! Nothing to too good for my saints.
So Rosie is home for a week (6 months after the new kennel), enjoying the new surroundings, she finds the one Achilles heel to the kennel, and finds the one weak point of the welded wire fence and proceeds to pull the entire fence out from underneath all the pea stone until it rolled onto itself, so when I come home, there was the welded wire fence all neatly rolled up for me, on top of the stone. The two boys, Torin and Bodie are up on the bulkhead, scared to death of this new little "angel".
So, there I go, removing all the stone and resetting the fence. OK, now you think I am all set right.... NOPE!!!!! she decides that the chicken wire tastes like fresh chicken!! So over the past couple weeks, she has decided to pull up the chicken wire and wear it on top of her head like a Tiara, prancing around the kennel like she was Miss Saint America--- so there I go, out with my tin snips removing the chicken wire. 
I know what your going to say .. shes bored right, well let me tell you she has more toys in there than toys r us..... she also has two boys of which she decides to terrorize on an hourly basis. She also goes on nice walks and even goes to classes.
Now that the chicken wire has been conveniently removed, she has decided that the boards used to keep the pea stone in has go to go. She has even chewed up parts of the house siding, the dog igloo and today has decided to anger my favorite bitch of the house, my dear wife..... she did that by trying to remove the dryer vent.
Well... that was it.. My wife, opened up a can of whoop a$$ and dug out our back-up kennel by herself - here I am trying to volunteer to help with the digging, my wife looks at me with spears in her eyes and growls louder than the saints snore, "The alpha bitch, is going to teach the little bitch who is boss -- I'll do it myself"  .. I was like ... "um, OK" and I hid with Torin and Bodie on the bulkhead... .
Poor Rosie (of course, now its POOR Rosie) has now taken residence in the smaller escape/dig free kennel with a Kong with peanut butter (all over her face) another Kong with kibble treats, and a bone which must of come off a Tyrannosaurus Rex, You think she would chew the bone and toys, but there she is -- digging at the door trying to figure out where I put the yummy chicken wire in the new kennel. (I think she is trying to figure out that alpha thing)
When she is inside, she has decided that the baseboard tastes like steak. Well, at least she has clean teeth.
I hope to god, that she doesn't think that the gate to the ring looks tasty...
Oh, ya she drools a bit!
Bill Gordon (yep, today she's my dog)
Don't Listen To Them
February 2009
(Three days later)
If you remember the chicken wire dinners Rosie has been having .. and the fact that my pretty, young, stunning wife had a small talk with her as Rose was meanly banished into solitary confinement for the day in the small kennel.
Well, let me start with the fact that my sweetheart (wife) wanted to make the kennel nicer by placing white Christmas lights around the top of the 6 foot high chain link fencing adding a nice ambience to the kennel for the dogs. These lights were added to the kennel before we brought "her" (aka: little devil) home.
Today, after I brought the kids to school, I came home to find all the strands of Christmas lighting in small bits and pieces strewn throughout the kennels floor. "UH-O" I said "momma's not going to be happy with this" I cleaned up the kennel so good that even the old ice is shining, and then called my wife at work. This is how the phone call went...
Her -"Good Morning, Laura's Office" (said in a nice cheerful voice)
Me - "Guess what your dog did...." ( a little worry in my voice)
Her - " What" (not impressed voice)
Me - "It ate the Christmas lights" (happy voice, like its not a big deal) 
Her - 'I'm busy, I deal with her when I come home , YOU will clean up the mess (very not impressed voice)
Me - "OK" (whew, at least its not me ) 
OK, so when she (my darling) came home, she asked "Where is it!" thinking she is not talking about any other "It" besides the puppy, I directed her to the very beautiful, innocently sleeping with her brother, 7 month old cute puppy. Thinking the cuteness might make wife forget the "new little talk" she is about to have -- My wife "Bee lined it" to the door as she, she slid across the newly shine ice in her heels and business suit (she looked like Bambi trying out her new legs on the ice).
Rosie, was allowed to come in to the house for lunch, I met her at the door with one of her pills. I opened her mouth, when I shoved the pill into the slimy pit of darkness, Rosie rolled onto her back to try to spit it out. My wife turns the corner and finds me bent over Rosie as she is lying on the back, and I (Me) got yelled at for giving the "convict" a belly rub. 
So, then I wanted to show my wife a post made on a RV list we belong to, so she sits with me on the couch to read the laptop. Rosie, thinking that she wants to apologize to her mom, rushes over after drinking 5 gallons of water that she drank to wash down the yucky pill, comes over and slimes the crotch of mom's business suit. Rosie then jumps up onto the couch spins and whacks mom's head with a big Saint (ummm...) rump, then sits on her, pinning mom to the couch like a WWF wrestler fighting for their world championship. I look over and see mom, who looks like a big slimy flattened Ant as cute little Rosie wags the tip of her tail.
Rosie was well..... sent back to her kennel 
Bill (she is still "My" dog)
Lesson Learned
May 13, 2009
I haven’t issued a recent story about my poor little innocent Rosie (aka: Convict) for a while, it’s because she has been on her best behavior.
Well, two weeks ago we were giving Rosie a bath getting ready for a show, when my wife lifts her tail & say’s oh-no. I’m like what?? She tells me our little girl is “blooming”. I’m like, I know she is pretty ain't’t she! I looked over to my wife & she is not looking happy, she says, "That’s NOT what I am talking about". There’s Rosie smiling & winking at me. I am about to learn a new lesson.
So we need to backtrack a little bit, I had saints when I was a kid & saints were a big part of my life, but I was never responsible for any “blooming stuff”, my wife is completely new at all of this, so in part, we're newbies. A couple years ago we put an addition on our house, so we would have enough room for these gentle giants & our human brood. Once we had the new part of our house, we found a perfect ( almost perfect) little boy saint who would make our lives complete. Then came Rosie.
This story is not as much about Rosie as it is about, him & his complete inability to control his passions & his “Mr. Happy”.
Apparently, Rose is smelling goood, because two weeks ago, we put Torin in a separate kennel to protect our under aged girl. He began to make us feel guilty as he started to whimper … the whine, whine, cry, cry quickly turning into a howl of ROWWWSSIIIEEEEEE I WUVVVV YOUUUU. We had to listen to the crying & howling for the past two weeks, then came today.
Today, we're considering a doggie divorce from Torin. You see, I had to attend a conference at the same time my wife had to work. Usually one of us is home at all times. I figured I would spare the neighbors of the crying & howling &,, using my man brains, decided to keep Torin in the house. I know what you experienced Saint owners are saying, " OMG, what was he thinking!" But that’s my point, remember I’m a newbie to this stuff right?? OK, so I asked my wife to come home at lunch & make sure he had enough water & all was OK.
As my wife entered the house, she was met by a different man, he was drooling buckets of slime, out of breathe, eyes spread to the outside of his head & looking very guilty. The floor had puddles of drool all over, & as she looked into the house, well, lets just say, it was destroyed. There was more wood chips than a sawdust factory, & each one of our brand new windows that faced towards Rosie was completely destroyed!!! ! In fact, the sills & moldings were completely ripped off the walls & lying on the floor in pieces, as Torin was pacing back & forth, huffing & puffing. (please note: he was checked out & not physically injured yet)
Now, I don’t know if you know this, but my wife is a police detective who specializes in sex offenders… ironic isn't it. She had to go back to work, but she was not’t about to leave him alone again. She placed Torin under arrest for malicious destruction & attempted indecent assault & battery on a minor. She called the dog officer as back up & requested him to bring the “puppy wagon” to pick up her new prisoner. Unfortunately the dog officer was out of town & couldn't’t respond. My wife put Torin in paw cuffs & placed the behemoth Saint Bernard in the back of her police car! She took him downtown (really, she did) & brought him into the station, marched him directly to the booking room, put him in the booking chair & snapped his photo! All the cops watched as my wife marched him into the cell & closed the door! She then requested the rest of the day off in stress leave so she could bail the offender & bring him home so she could clean the house. Let’s just say she was not impressed with her boy today, but at least he is doing better than our windows.
When they got home, he was sentenced to two weeks of solitary confinement! Judge, jury and executioner!
We are new, but we are learning fast.
Bill & Laura Gordon
Proud Saint owners!
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